The Human On The Other Side

I recently asked a team member to complete a task for me - one with high stakes. Tight deadline. High visibility. Lots riding on it. When their final version hit my inbox, I opened it, expecting to make a few tweaks before sending it on.

Instead, what I found was full of typos. Incomplete thoughts. Poor formatting. Errors that would have reflected poorly on us both if I had sent it as-is.

My heart started racing.

My brain jumped into overdrive:"How am I going to fix this in time?""Why didn’t they catch this?""This is exactly what I didn’t have time for!  I should have just done it myself!"

I was frustrated. 

Disappointed. 

And overwhelmed.

And in that exact moment, when I wanted to lash out or vent, I reminded myself of something I deeply believe:

There’s a human on the other side of that email.

• A human who likely didn’t set out to fail.

• A human who might be overwhelmed, too.

• A human who probably cares - and might be mortified if they knew what had just landed on my plate.

  
  

So I paused.

Instead of firing off a sharp message or spiraling into silent resentment, I took a breath and asked, “Is there anything going on for you today? I noticed a lot of errors in the document you sent, and that’s not like you. I want to check in.”

That one sentence opened the door.

Turns out, they had been trying to finish the task while juggling an unexpected family emergency. They’d been working late the night before and genuinely didn’t realize how many mistakes had slipped through.

Was the task still our, and in this case, my responsibility to fix? Yes.But now, I wasn’t stewing in anger—I was grounded in understanding.And that changed everything.

This is why emotional professionalism matters.

Leadership isn’t just about holding the line.It’s about holding humans, with accountability and compassion.

Here’s what I try to remind myself (especially on the hard days)4 Grounding Reminders

1. The mistake isn’t the person.  Errors are data, not identity. Don’t confuse the product with the person behind it.

2. Pause before you react.  Give yourself 60 seconds. Regulate before you respond. A calm leader is a clear leader.

3. Lead with curiosity, not assumption.  “What happened?” invites conversation. “What’s wrong with you?” shuts it down.

4. Feedback can be firm and kind.  “This didn’t meet the standard” and “I care about you” can coexist. In fact, they should.

   
   

We’re all human.

We miss things.

We try our best and still fall short.

We carry invisible burdens that impact visible outcomes.  As leaders, it’s not our job to pretend that mistakes don’t matter.  It’s our job to remember that people still do.

So next time you’re staring at something that makes your blood pressure rise, ask yourself, “Have I forgotten the human on the other side?”  That one question can shift your leadership, and preserve the relationship.

Reflection Questions:

• When something doesn’t meet my expectations, what is my default reaction, emotionally, mentally, and behaviorally? Do I tend to spiral, lash out, internalize it, or pause?How often do I assume intent instead of asking about experience? What would it look like to get curious instead of reactive?

• Who in my world might be quietly carrying more than I realize? Have I paused to check in or am I only focused on performance?

• What does “accountability with compassion” mean to me? Do I lean more toward one than the other and what might it look like to hold both?

• Have I ever been on the receiving end of someone’s grace or understanding after making a mistake? How did it feel and what did it teach me about leadership?

What will you do to remember the human on the other side? I'd love to hear from you, HERE.

YOU MATTER!