Who Gets Their Way?

I was recently part of a committee, a passionate group of professionals gathered to solve a big issue. Everyone had a strong opinion (myself included). 

Ideas were flying. 

Voices got louder. 

Positions got firmer.

At one point, I noticed something: we were each fighting so hard for our own viewpoint that we weren’t really listening anymore.

But then… something shifted.

One person said, “That’s a good point, I hadn’t thought of it like that.”Another followed with, “I still feel strongly about my idea, but I can see how yours would work too.”And I found myself thinking, "Yes! That! More of that!"

Because when people soften just enough to consider a different view, when they loosen their grip on being right in service of getting it right.  That's where true magic happens.

Teamwork without flexibility is just a louder version of solo work.

As a Self-Aware Leader, I’ve learned that flexibility isn’t weakness.

It’s strength in motion.It’s self-regulation.It’s trust.It’s generosity.It’s putting the shared goal above the personal agenda.

And while it’s easy to encourage others to be flexible, the real impact happens when we model it. When we show:

• It’s okay to adjust.

• It’s okay to change your mind.

• It’s okay to hold space for someone else’s perspective, especially when it challenges your own.

In my opinion, we need more of this, not just in meetings, but in the world.

A little more curiosity.A little less ego.A little more “tell me more” and a little less “let me prove my point.”

Because culture isn’t created in the big decisions, it’s formed in moments like these. When we choose humility over hierarchy. When we face friction with openness instead of retreat, we create space for growth and respect.

What to Do When It Feels Tough

Sometimes we want to be flexible, but we’re tired, frustrated, or convinced we’re right. In those moments, try this:

1. Pause and BreatheGive yourself 5 seconds before responding. That small pause can be the difference between reacting and leading.

2. Name What’s Happening (Internally)Try: “I feel attached to this idea because I’ve worked hard on it” or “This feels personal even though I know it’s not.”

3. Get Curious on PurposeAsk: “What’s important to you about your idea?” or “Can you walk me through your thinking?”Curiosity cools defensiveness—yours and theirs.

4. Stay Open to AdjustingYou don’t have to agree with everything. But even small shifts (“What if we combined pieces of both ideas?”) show generosity and leadership maturity.

5. Model It Out LoudLet your team hear you say things like, “You’ve helped me see that differently” or “That wasn’t my original thought, but I like where this is going.” Your words teach more than you know.

Reflection Questions for Self-Aware Leaders:

1. When was the last time I changed my mind because someone made a strong case, and I let them?

2. Do I model flexible thinking, or do I unintentionally reward only those who agree with me?

3. Am I leading with curiosity when tensions arise, or with control?

4. What might improve if I held my opinion a little more loosely in service of team growth?

5. What do I want my team to say about how I handle disagreement or opposing ideas?

   
   

YOU MATTER!