We've all been there. A problem arises—maybe it's a miscommunication, a project that didn’t go as planned, or a conflict within a team. And almost instantly, the temptation kicks in:
"That wasn’t my fault."
"If only they had done their part."
"I would have been successful if things were different."
I get it! It’s human nature to want to protect our pride, distance ourselves from mistakes, and shift the burden somewhere other than on ourselves.
But here’s the truth:
Blame keeps us stuck.
Excuses keep us small.
And defensiveness destroys trust and keeps us from growing.
True Self-Aware Leadership requires something tougher, often uncomfortable. It requires looking in the mirror first.
When things go wrong, it’s rarely ONLY one person’s fault—but it’s seldom 100% someone else’s fault. There’s usually a mix of factors at play, and more often than not, we own at least a small piece of the situation.
But acknowledging this can be difficult. Why? Because blame is easier than ownership. Excuses are easier than solutions. And deflection keeps us in the safe zone—at least temporarily.
The problem is, when we make excuses or blame others:
✅We give away our power because if the problem is always “out there,” we have no control to change it.
✅ We miss the opportunity to grow because if it’s never our responsibility, we never improve.
✅ We create a culture of deflection which erodes trust, accountability, and progress.
So, how do we retrain our minds to move from blame to ownership? It starts with three mindset shifts:
1) Ask: “What part do I own in this?”
Instead of looking outward first, look inward. Even if you feel 90% sure the fault lies elsewhere, ask yourself:
Did I communicate my expectations clearly?
Did I follow through on my commitments?
Did I make assumptions instead of asking clarifying questions?
Did I play a passive role when I should have been proactive?
Owning even 5% of the issue puts you in problem-solving mode instead of finger-pointing mode. And when you model this, you can begin to create a culture of safety and where others begin to start doing the same.
2) Catch yourself making excuses and reframe.
We all do it. The KEY is to catch it in real time and flip the narrative.
💬 Excuse: “I didn’t have time to finish that project.”
🔄 Reframe: “I didn’t prioritize my time effectively.”
💬 Excuse: “They should have told me about the deadline sooner.”
🔄 Reframe: “I could have checked in sooner instead of assuming.”
💬 Excuse: “This was completely out of my hands.”
🔄 Reframe: “Even though I didn’t create the problem, how can I help solve it?”
Excuses keep us stuck. Ownership moves us forward.
3) Shift from problem-focus to solution-focus.
Blame loves to keep us stuck in the past, rehashing what went wrong, who dropped the ball, and why it’s someone else’s fault. But leadership requires forward motion.
The best way to disrupt the blame cycle is to ask:
✔️ What can I do right now to improve this situation?
✔️ What’s a next step—no matter how small?
✔️ What lesson can I take from this so it doesn’t happen again?
Self-Aware Leaders don’t get stuck in whose fault it was. They focus on what needs to happen next.
The next time you find yourself frustrated, defensive, or tempted to shift blame, pause. Ask yourself:
➡️ Am I focused on solutions or am I stuck focusing on “blame”?
➡️ What part do I own in this situation?
➡️ What is one small step I can take to move forward?
Great leaders aren’t the ones who never make mistakes. Great leaders own the pieces that belong to them, learn from the situation, and move forward.
What’s one excuse you’re ready to drop today and replace with ownership? Let’s turn intentions into action—share it here, and I’ll be your accountability buddy!
YOU MATTER!