If I’ve Got You, Who’s Got Me?

A few months ago, a client of mine confided, “I’m everyone’s go-to. I hold space, I offer calm, I problem-solve. But I go home at the end of the day and wonder… if I’ve got them, who’s got me?”

It reminded me of what so many leaders experience. Leadership, especially the emotionally intelligent kind, is heavy. And the higher up you go, the lonelier it can feel.

Most people assume leadership is powerful, prestigious, even glamorous. But what they don’t see is:

• The moments you absorb your team’s stress before your own

• The restraint it takes to remain composed while your insides are spiraling

• The coaching conversations that leave you emotionally spent

• The nights you lie awake wondering if you made the right decision

And while you're everyone else's sounding board, you can't always be fully transparent in return, not with your team, and sometimes, not even with your peers.

Leaders are often praised for being calm, collected, and confident. But that image? It can become a trap.

You start thinking:

• I can’t fall apart, what will that say about my leadership? 

• I can’t share that I’m struggling, people need me to be strong. 

• I don’t want to be seen as weak, especially when I’m supposed to be the one with answers.

This pressure creates emotional isolation, even in the middle of a crowded workplace.

Many leaders make it a priority to hold space for their team members. Holding space is a beautiful skill — it’s compassionate, patient, and human. But holding too much for too long, without reciprocity, leads to burnout. You begin to wonder if anyone sees you. If anyone would notice if you started to fade.

It’s not that you regret being the strong one, it’s just that sometimes, you wish someone would offer you the same steady presence you work so hard to give others.

The truth is: being a Self-Aware Leader means knowing when you don’t have it all together.

It means noticing your own depletion before it becomes resentment.

So ask yourself:

• Who do I trust to hold space for me?

• When do I allow myself to be human, not just “the boss”?

• What practices remind me that I deserve support, too?

Having coaches, mentors, peers, therapists — these aren’t luxuries for leaders. They’re essentials.

Because when you allow someone else to “have you,” you strengthen your leadership, not weaken it.

Reflection Questions for the Self-Aware Leader:

1. Where in your leadership journey have you felt most alone?

2. When was the last time you let someone fully support you?

3. What do you need more of right now — and who can help you get it?

Get in touch here—I’d love to hear your answers! 

YOU MATTER!