I Don't Want To

A leader I spoke with recently shared a situation that many supervisors eventually encounter.  One of her team members had begun declining certain work tasks.  The employee wasn’t loud or confrontational about it. They simply avoided the work or stated directly that they didn’t like doing those particular responsibilities.

The complication? The employee’s role had evolved. The job description had shifted to include new responsibilities the employee didn’t prefer, didn’t feel comfortable doing, or simply didn’t want to take on.

The leader felt stuck.  On one hand, she wanted to respect the employee and understand their concerns. On the other hand, she knew the work still needed to be completed and the organization had to remain fiscally responsible.

Situations like this are exactly where a Self-Aware Leadership approach becomes essential. Instead of reacting quickly or escalating immediately, the leader slowed down and walked through five important steps.

1. Check the Story You’re Telling Yourself

The first step was internal. What story was the leader telling herself about the employee? It would have been easy to jump to conclusions:

“They’re lazy.”“They’re being difficult.”“They don’t care about the team.”

But Self-Aware Leaders pause long enough to regulate their emotions and examine their assumptions. Is the employee refusing the work out of resistance? Or is there something else going on? The story we tell ourselves shapes the conversation we’re about to have.

2. Identify the Real Challenge

Next, the leader analyzed the situation through a practical lens: Is this a knowledge, skill, or disposition issue?

• Knowledge: Do they understand the task and expectations?

• Skill: Do they have the ability and training to perform it?

• Disposition/Attitude: Are they unwilling or resistant to doing the work? 

Each requires a different response. Misdiagnosing the issue often leads to frustration for both the leader and the employee.

3. Balance Empathy With Expectations 

This is where the leadership fulcrum shows up again. Empathy means acknowledging the employee’s discomfort or concerns. Accountability means reinforcing the expectations of the role. Both must exist at the same time.

A leader might say, “I understand that these tasks feel new or uncomfortable for you, and they are also part of the responsibilities of this role moving forward. What support do you need to be successful?”

Compassion does not remove expectations. And expectations do not erase compassion.

4. Stay Curious and Scaffold Support

Before assuming unwillingness, the leader stayed curious. What support might help close the gap? Sometimes the solution includes:

• additional training

• modeling or coaching

• gradual exposure to the new task

• clearer expectations or resources

Self-aware leaders ask, “What would help you feel more capable or confident completing this work?”

Support strengthens accountability rather than replacing it.

5. Create Agreements and Follow Up

Finally, the leader established clear agreements for moving forward.

• What will the employee do next?

• What support will be provided?

• When will they check in again?

Follow-up matters. Because at the end of the day, leaders carry responsibility not only for relationships, but also for organizational outcomes and fiscal stewardship. The work must get done.

The Leadership Lesson 

Many leadership challenges aren’t about conflict. They’re about clarity, curiosity, and follow-through. When leaders slow down enough to examine their assumptions, diagnose the real issue, balance empathy with expectations, and create clear agreements, even difficult situations can become opportunities for growth.

Not every situation resolves perfectly. But strong leaders approach them with intention.

Reflection Questions

• What story do I tend to tell myself when an employee resists a task?

• Am I diagnosing the issue correctly: knowledge, skill, or disposition?

• Where might empathy and accountability both need to be present?

• What scaffolding could help close the gap before escalating consequences?

• Do I consistently follow up on agreements?

Leadership isn’t just about directing work. It’s about responding thoughtfully when people struggle with it.

You matter. Especially when you lead with clarity, curiosity, and accountability at the same time.

If you’re navigating change, uncertainty, or cultural shifts and want support strengthening communication, culture, or trauma-responsive approaches, you don’t have to do it alone.  This is the work we partner with leaders and teams on every day through keynotes, professional development and workshop sessions, and coaching. If it feels helpful, we're always open to a conversation.