The past week (or should I say months) has been a lot… so if you are swirling from the post-election overload, I hear you! Some of you may be thrilled with the results, while others of you may be feeling deep disappointment or even despair. On top of it all, many of us may be headed into family/loved one holiday gatherings in the next few weeks and are anticipating some intense differences of opinions at the dinner or networking tables.
Despite all those things, for me, as someone who constantly strives to be self-aware, I can only land in one place: I choose relationships. There are things I cannot understand. There are points of view I do not align with, perceptions that perplex me, and decisions that confuse me. And yet, in the end, I believe everything is about Relationships. We are human beings who long for connection and belonging. It is my belief that the only way through this holiday season is by choosing relationships.
As we navigate the choppy waters of finding our way “together” with those we care about, but who may have significant differences of opinions, here are a few ideas that may support you in Choosing Relationship:
Be curious and really listen. I know it can be hard when opposing views feel offensive or threatening, however, the more we can be genuinely curious, the more we can find ways to meet in the middle, understand each other, and have respectful dialogue. Nobody enjoys a conversation where the objective for both people is to prove the other person wrong.
Remember, the person you are talking to is someone you truly do care about. I know it can feel hard to hold on to this, and perhaps your feelings of respect for the person are feeling challenged, but remember we are all a sum of our experiences. Our views and perceptions are based on our lived experiences, and this person clearly has had different ones than you have.
Dr. Bruce Perry, the trauma expert, talks about “Dosing and Spacing”. It’s rooted in understanding that our brains will take in information in bits and pieces. When I think about my own learning curve, it’s often most valuable when I’m exposed to meaningful information over time. So, if you DO engage in conversations, know that it is doubtful there will be immediate resolution. Finding middle ground, having influence, and/or having important conversations that are not overly charged can take time and practice. Focus on mutual respect.
Right now, you don’t HAVE to engage in a controversial conversation. There are times to speak your truth and there are times to let the waters settle inside yourself. Don’t forget you have the choice to decipher if now is a time to engage with that individual about controversial subjects. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying bury your head in the sand. However, I am encouraging you to make a conscious decision on whether or not it is productive or positively impactful to engage in this moment.
As someone who works hard to value all humans, my hope is that we can continue to stay in connection and dialogue through the sometimes-tricky gatherings and conversations with others. Be loving with yourself – and with the human on the other side of you. The only way out is through.
May we all choose Relationships to get us there!
YOU MATTER!