You Go First

I was meeting with a client recently, an experienced leader, thoughtful, solution-oriented, deeply invested in her team.

She sighed, sat back in her chair, and said,

“Here’s what I’m noticing. Half my team are total go-getters: self-starters, proactive, reliable. And the other half? It feels like they’re just along for the ride. No urgency. No follow-through. I don’t even think they realize how much the others are carrying.”

She paused.

“It’s like this second half of the team are all standing at the edge of a pool, looking at each other… waiting for someone else to jump in first.”

And there it was: You go first.

A common pattern on teams.Some dive in. Others hesitate.And if you’re the kind of person who naturally steps up, it doesn’t take long to feel like you're doing more than your share.

Every team has different personalities, motivations, and strengths. But when initiative is lopsided, tension builds.

• The go-getters get burned out.

• The less-engaged fall further behind.

• And the leader is stuck between managing morale and driving results.

And while it’s tempting to fix it by stepping in, picking up the slack, or simply “doing it yourself,” that often makes the gap worse.

So what do you do, especially when you’re the one who cares the most?

This is where Self-Aware Leadership comes in.

What Self-Aware Leaders Do

1. Pause and Check the Story

When you notice yourself frustrated with team imbalance, ask:

• What story am I telling myself about the people who seem less engaged?

• Is it possible they’re unsure, disconnected, or even unaware?

Self-aware leaders practice curious accountability, naming the pattern without assigning blame.

2. Name the Dynamic, Gently

Borrow language from what my client observed:

“I’ve noticed we have some folks who jump in quickly and others who wait. Let’s talk about how to balance this better.”

This isn’t about calling people out. It’s about calling people in.

3. Empower With Clarity, Not Just Encouragement

Some team members may genuinely want to help, they just don’t know how or where to plug in. Others have learned that someone else will eventually take care of it.

Either way, it’s not enough to say “just take initiative.” Instead:

• Define expectations

• Clarify ownership

• Follow up with kindness and accountability

4. Look Beneath the Stall

Here’s what’s often missed: When people stall, resist, or ride the coat tails of others, it’s not always laziness.  More often, it’s a lack of confidence.

They may be thinking:

• What if I do it wrong?

• I’m not sure I’m doing it the way you want.

• They’re better at this than I am, I’ll just stay back.

As a self-aware leader, you can:

• Normalize the learning curve

• Offer scaffolding (small, clear next steps)

• Validate effort, not just outcomes

• Quietly coach while building trust

5. Set the Pace, Not the Precedent

You can still model initiative without over-functioning.

As a self-aware leader:

• Know when to pause and ask for shared ideas

• Let silence speak when needed

• Invite contribution, but resist the urge to rescue

Doing it all yourself might feel faster, but it teaches others they don’t need to move.

Reflection Questions

• Where am I picking up extra weight because others aren’t stepping in?

• Could a lack of confidence be behind someone’s hesitation?

• How can I support or scaffold without taking over?

• What assumptions am I making about team members who seem less proactive?

• What conversation needs to happen next?

Let’s Stay Connected

If you’ve ever looked around your team and thought, “Why am I always the one jumping in?”—you’re not alone.It’s frustrating. It’s real. And it’s also a solvable pattern.

Self-aware leadership doesn’t mean carrying it all, it means setting the tone, inviting shared ownership, and shifting the culture one honest conversation at a time.

For more real-world strategies that honor your energy and your impact, come visit tessabrock.com.

You matter. Especially when your leadership invites others to rise—not rely. 💛