I was recently flying American Airlines from Dallas. As I walked down the jet bridge, I could already hear the upbeat voice of the flight attendant. It reminded me of the old-school Southwest Airlines days when you were almost always guaranteed a smile and a giggle as the flight attendants gave their safety spiel.
As I got closer, I could hear this attendant, who I later learned was named Darlene, informing the passengers who had already boarded that we were going to "sling kindness around." That simple phrase made me smile. I appreciated her positivity, enthusiasm, and, most of all, her intention to create an atmosphere of fun, respect, and cooperation.
Once I settled into my seat, I heard Darlene begin to share her expectations about placing backpacks and jackets under the seat so that all passengers could fit their larger bags in the overhead bins. Predictably, some passengers chose to ignore her request. But Darlene didn’t back down—nor did she let it shake her positivity.
Her friendly voice came over the speaker again, "I saw what you just did. Jackets and backpacks need to go under the seat. We're still friends—but I need you to put that jacket and backpack under your seat."
She repeated this expectation throughout boarding process, ensuring that every passenger was reminded to make space for others. Then, after a few minutes, she walked down the aisle and stopped a few rows behind me. I heard her say, "I told you I was going to come back and check on this. Here, let me help you...", as she handed a jacket for the overhead bin to a seated passenger.
She continued making her way through the plane, reinforcing expectations with directness and humor while offering assistance when needed. I don’t know exactly what happened at the back of the plane, but as she returned to the front, I could see that the interactions had taken a toll on her patience. Her body language showed the weight of the work, but the moment she picked up the intercom again, she was right back to her spunky, upbeat self.
If I had been able to ask Darlene about her boarding challenges, I imagine she would say it was all in a day’s work. But what I saw was something more. It was a powerful demonstration of Self-Aware Leadership.
1) She led with connection
Darlene didn’t just bark orders—she built rapport. From the start, she set the tone for a positive flight experience, signaling that she wanted to make the journey enjoyable for everyone. Her energy was contagious, and her message was clear: we’re all in this together.
As Self-Aware Leaders, we need to recognize that connection creates influence. When we lead with warmth and enthusiasm, we naturally encourage cooperation and shared responsibility.
2) She was clear and consistent
Darlene didn’t just state expectations once and hope for the best. She reinforced them with reminders, humor, and follow-through. She didn’t waver, apologize, or avoid uncomfortable moments. Instead, she made it clear: this was her flight, and these were the rules.
I once heard the phrase, “People respect what you inspect.” Darlene embodied this by following up, checking in, and ensuring compliance—not in a controlling way, but in a way that balanced firmness with support.
As Self-Aware Leaders, we need to communicate expectations clearly, repeat them when necessary, and hold people accountable with consistency and kindness.
3) She balanced authority with playfulness—and followed through
Darlene wasn’t rigid or authoritative in a way that created resistance. Instead, she mixed lightheartedness with firm boundaries, showing that leadership isn’t about dominance—it’s about earning respect through action.
Her approach was a reminder that holding expectations and offering support are not mutually exclusive. We can be direct and kind, hold people accountable and be compassionate while maintaining high standards and offer help.
Darlene’s leadership wasn’t about a plane ride. It was about human dynamics—how we lead, how we influence, and how we respond when people resist expectations.
So, take a moment to reflect:
How do you set the tone in your leadership?
Are your expectations clear, consistent, and do you follow through?
Do you balance accountability with warmth and support?
Self-aware leadership starts with self-reflection. Whether you’re leading a team, a classroom, or even a family, your ability to influence others begins with how well you know yourself.
What’s one small way you can show up with more self-awareness today?
YOU MATTER!