Grief of a New Leader

A colleague recently reached out after being promoted into a new leadership role. From the outside, it was a textbook success story: hard work recognized, a seat at the table earned, and a clear path forward.

But on our call, her voice wavered.

“I’m excited… but I’m also kind of sad. And I feel guilty for saying that out loud.”

She shared how she missed being “in the know” about all things from her past role: 

• She missed the day-to-day rhythm with her team, the shared jokes, the shoulder taps, the easy camaraderie. 

• She missed being confident in her answers instead of stumbling through new terrain. 

• She missed the pride she felt knowing others counted on her insights and perspectives in her previous content expertise.  

And even though she wanted this promotion, part of her was grieving what she left behind.

And honestly? She’s not alone.

When we talk about promotion, we talk about opportunity. Growth. Accomplishment.

What we rarely talk about is loss.

• Loss of routine and familiarity

• Loss of peer-level friendships

• Loss of clarity in our day-to-day role

We don’t always realize how much identity is wrapped up in the work we used to do:

You had your rhythm. You knew where things were, who to ask, what to expect. You felt effective, relied on, and wise.

Then suddenly, you step into a new space, and even if it’s a step forward, it can feel like a step sideways, or even backward, emotionally.

You can quickly go from being confident to questioning yourself.You go from being part of the group to leading it, navigating new power dynamics, different conversations, and sometimes a little extra distance.You go from mastery to a learning curve... and that shift can be HARD.

You’re navigating uncharted territory, often without a map, while still trying to look like you belong there. The pressure to “prove” yourself can be loud. And the loneliness that creeps in... Even louder.

This is the part of leadership no one talks about, and it matters.

You can be deeply grateful for the new opportunity and still miss the comfort of the old. Both can be true.

If you are in this space, what you need to remember is that the grief doesn’t mean you made the wrong move. It means you valued what came before.

As a self-aware leader, holding space for this grief is part of the transition:

• Give yourself permission to miss your people

• Name what you’re grieving without shame

• Reflect on what you’re learning about yourself in the shift

Grief is not a weakness, it’s evidence of connection.

What Helps in the In-Between

Navigating the grief of promotion requires emotional presence and practical grounding. Here are a few practices that help:

1. Normalize the Disorientation

You’re not behind, you’re evolving. Every role requires a learning curve.

2. Create New Circles of Connection

Leadership can be lonely. Be intentional about creating spaces where you can connect with peers, mentors, and thought partners.

3. Stay Humble, Not Hidden

You don’t have to pretend to know everything. Ask. Learn. Show up with curiosity over certainty. 

4. Carry Forward What Mattered

What did you love about your old role? Bring the best of that spirit into your leadership, the empathy, the humor, the accessibility.

Reflection Questions

• What are you grieving about your former role, and have you named it?

• What parts of your identity are shifting with this promotion?

• Who can you talk to that understands this transition?

• How are you staying connected to the parts of leadership that light you up?

Leadership is growth, yes. But growth often involves letting go.

If you’re feeling the quiet grief of transition, know this: You’re not broken. You’re becoming.

For more grounded, honest conversations about what it really means to lead, visit tessabrock.com.

You matter. Even in the middle of the in-between. 💛

PS. Some of our clients have reached out because they still have funds remaining in their training budgets and don’t want to lose them before year-end. Our firm has been able to help them make the most of those dollars by getting a head start on 2026 initiatives.  Please contact me if you’re in a similar situation.  We are committed to helping you reach your goals and maximize the impact of your remaining funds.