Barely Keeping My Head Above Water

When you step into a new leadership role, it can feel like drinking from a fire hose: names, systems, expectations, acronyms, timelines, and a hundred new things to learn "yesterday".  You often spend so much time feeling lost, uncertain, and behind.  

And even when your heart is in the right place, your brain can only hold so much.

I remember a moment early in my leadership journey, after stepping into a role that stretched me well beyond my comfort zone. In those early days of overwhelm, one of my team members, let’s call him Jose, shared something personal with me about someone very important in his life. I listened with care, felt the weight of what he was carrying, and told myself I’d check in again soon.

The next day, another team member, we’ll call them Chris, asked me, “Hey, how’s Jose’s person doing?”

And my stomach dropped.... because I had completely forgotten about the entire situation with Jose and his loved one.  My saturated brain had heard but not been able to hold on to this important information.  

Now, hopefully by now you know that this is NOT how I usually move through the world.  I work hard to remember what matters to people:  their stories, their families, their worries, their wins. And in that moment, I felt embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

But then I remembered something I teach all the time: When we’re learning something new, our brains are busy building fresh neural pathways. That takes energy, and it temporarily pulls resources from other parts of our cognitive “operating system.”

So, instead of spiraling into guilt, I made two decisions.

1️⃣ I created a system for care.  As soon as I got back to my desk, I made a list of every person on my team who had something personal going on, a sick parent, a struggling child, a recovering partner, a beloved pet.  Each morning, I glanced at that list. Not as a task list, but as a connection list. A reminder of the important humans behind the work.  And I kept this practice of reminding myself daily until each situation resolved and my brain felt back to baseline.

2️⃣ I practiced grace and empathy, for myself.  Old me would have beaten myself up for forgetting important things about important people.  New me recognized that self-flogging doesn’t build capacity, it drains it.  Grace and compassion were the kindest and fastest ways to restore presence and focus.

What I want us all to remember is that when your brain is under pressure, even the most caring parts of you can go offline.  But that doesn’t mean they’re gone. It just means they need time, and support, to reconnect.

If you’re a new leader, or if your sweet brain is juggling more than is ideal at this moment in time, please remember this: You will drop a ball.You will forget a name, a date, a detail that matters. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you’re human.

The goal isn’t perfection. It’s recovery. It’s noticing when you miss something, repairing quickly, and identifying systems or supports will help you do better next time.

And perhaps most importantly, it’s giving yourself the same grace you so freely extend to others.

Because empathy isn’t only a leadership skill.  It’s a self-care practice that keeps your brain, and your heart, open.

You matter!... even when... 

** As you look ahead to 2026, what are your individual or team goals?  We partner with organizations and schools that want culture shifts that actually stick.  Our work supports teams with strengthening communication, leadership, and professionalism through self-aware reflection that leads to consistent, day-to-day practice.  If culture, clarity, or accountability are part of your 2026 vision, we’d love to explore how we can support that work.